Well, I’m pleased to report that we’re much closer to cloning the woolly mammoth. I’m kidding, of course. Not about the cloning of the mammoth, but of being pleased about it. I mean, really!? What the hell are we doing mucking around with the ancient DNA of the extinct mammoth?

Scientists found a virtually intact carcass in Siberia. They dug it up. They cut it up. They found out it was much older than they thought, not 10,000 years, but 43,000 years.

insdie blood 2


They sucked out smelly mammoth blood into a tube.

Now they’re going to spin it down or whatever the heck they do to get at the DNA. Then what? Test tube mammoth? No, they’re going to find a female elephant who’s pining to have her eggs mixed with this ancient beast…just pining for it.

I want to know what right we have to do that? And why do we want to bring woolly mammoths back to life anyway? I mean, c’mon, did anyone think to ask the mammoth community if they want to be resurrected into this lovely modern day chaos, especially as a half-breed elephant/mammoth creature?



Imagine their surprise to stir once again from the ancient ice fields into today’s climate of melting ice fields. Do those shaggy coats come off so they can cool down on their way to the New World Buffet table at the local mall?

inside woman scientists left from carcass


One person from the dissection team did pause a moment to reflect on their actions: We must have a reason to do this, as it is one thing to clone it for scientific purposes, and another to clone for the sake of curiosity.

Oh yeah, I wondered. How are those two purposes different? What, exactly, would be the scientific purpose?

mammoth tent


Naturally, I couldn’t help but reflect on myself and Nettie, not just because living in a woolly mammoth-studded tent would be kinda cool, but because I wondered if we’d want to be returned to life eons hence? Would we want to wake up and see what had become of this world? I suspect not. I certainly don’t want to finally go to rest, with my problems having gone to rest with me, only to have me and them alive and wriggling once again.



The movie Sleeper comes to mind. Shock is the first reaction Woody has to see that the world has become a police state. No surprise, right? Then he takes of running for his life with hilarious interludes of sex balls and orgasmatrons.

At the center, of course, is the silly attempt by the ruling class to clone a new dictator from the nose of the dead, old dictator (a great political metaphor by the way). Woody, impersonating a doctor, “assassinates” the dictator by throwing the nose under a steamroller.

All this silliness doesn’t seem so silly now with the prospect of a resurrected mammoth.

Jurassic chase




I picture the woolly mammoth rumbling awake, its long trunk unwinding, its eyelids with those characteristic long lashes slowly opening onto a landscape of walls and corridors as it’s shuttled off to a petting zoo somewhere where the sticky cotton-candy fingers of tubby little brats comb through its pelt, or maybe it’ll be the newest theme-ride at tomorrow’s Disney World…right next door to the disasters of Jurassic Park.

Boy, I sure wish I knew how to drive a steamroller, a really big one.

The Woolly Mammoth Cloning.



One Response to Woolly Mammoth, Anyone?

  1. frank says:

    Well, this really just a test comment. 1, 2, 3…test.

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